How many times have you found your attention wandering when listening to a boring speaker? How many times have you nodded your head in understanding even though you may have missed the main point? There is nothing wrong or irregular in this behavior. It happens to all of us, all the time. We may hear what another person is saying but unless we listen we can’t comprehend what he is saying.

How do we learn to listen? It is not difficult. All that it needs is some discipline and self-training. The first thing is to control your thoughts. You cannot be a good listener if you allow your thoughts to wander. This happens most often when some word or statement made by the speaker triggers your memory, and you drift off. You therefore need to pull your thoughts backs, and refocus. This is not easy, because the mind is a powerhouse. It flies in all directions, many times without your bidding.

A good way to make your mind focus is to train your mind to stay focused for long periods of time. You can do this by listening to a radio or a television or recorded speech. You let the speech run for a fixed time, say five minutes to start with. If your mind loses track of what the speaker is saying, then restart the speech. Do it with different speeches till you can listen without a break for five minutes. Next, increase this time to ten minutes, and repeat the exercise.

You will find that you can concentrate better, and comprehend what the speaker is saying. You now need to repeat the exercise using a video, where the speaker waves his hands or stops for effect or rattles off sentences. You will find that very often these minor things send your mind on its own trip. You need to stop the mind from doing so. In other words, you must not allow yourself to be distracted by the dress, mannerisms or the activity going around the speaker.

You are now ready to listen to people in real life. Your mind will stay focused, and you will find that you are a better listener now. What’s more you will find that better listeners are also better understood. This is because your response will be in keeping with the expectations of the speaker.

Garland Valley is a Registered Nurse specializing in Oncology (cancer) Nursing and complimentary healing modalities. Visit HOUSE OF GAR at www.houseofgar.com for more wellness articles and news

Age does not matter! These words seem familiar, right. Dating older woman is very common these days. Guys are interested in dating older woman since they believe that they are more experienced and are more capable of handling relationships smoothly. Not only that, older women are perceived to be more mature, financially independent, and good lovers. If you are a guy interested in dating older woman, then no need to have second thoughts. Here are some helpful tips in successfully dating older woman to make your dating experience truly worthwhile.

Before you go on dating older woman, you must first know what kind of relationship that you want. Are you just going for a short-term relationship or a long-term? Is it for marriage? Try to assert yourself what it is really that you want before you start dating older woman. Once you are sure of yourself, the fun of dating begins. Dating older woman can be a nice and exciting experience. You must always remember to have fun and always see the lighter side of life to enjoy every moment of your dating experience. When you set your mind that dating older woman is fun, things will work out smoothly and you will find happiness in what you do. And stop worrying what others will think. In this society although many accept the fact of dating older woman, still some raise their eyebrows when they see couples together with such age gap. Don’t mind them. They will not make you less of a person. Be confident and focus yourself on your desire of dating older woman.

It is necessary that you find an older woman who is interested in a younger man. You will have bigger chances of success to win the heart of the older woman you are dating if you know yourself that she is also interested in a younger man. When you find one, feel good about yourself because dating older woman can really be a tough process. If you think, there are things you need to change to make you feel more confident then do it. Go to the gym, have a diet, and pamper yourself. All these will be able to boost your confidence and make you ready to deal with any rejection in the future. Another thing, don’t keep the experience of dating older woman to yourself. You should at least tell your friends about it and make them involved in the process. Listen to what your friends will tell you and try to weigh their advices if they are for your own good or not.

During the dating proper, be a good conversationalist. When dating older woman, you must let her feel that you can communicate properly and that you are able to express your ideas clearly and creatively. Always remember that in dating older woman, verbal, visual, and subtle communication is necessary to make your dating experience really memorable. And having a good sense of humor can help to create a relaxing atmosphere. The older woman can feel comfortable being with you even if you are younger and will be at ease with your presence. Make her feel important and that you are interested in her.

Dating an older woman is not at all bed of roses. Just like a rose, you’ll never find one without a torn right? So, when dating older woman, be ready for the best as well as for the worst. You should always be willing to accept the complications that come with dating an older woman. If ever worse comes to worst, remember that there’s no harm in trying. It is better to date and lost than to never date at all.

My Relationship Tips is your one stop for relationship advice.

There’s a saying in aikido, “There are many lessons on the mat.” It means that when we’re practicing aikido we’re not just learning aikido, we’re also learning about life. For example, when someone grabs my wrist too hard and I get angry but don’t say anything, I eventually learn that it would be more useful to ask him not to grab so hard. I may also notice that it’s difficult for me to ask for what I want in other places in my life, that I suffer needlessly because of it, and that I blame others and justify my blaming instead of taking action. Many lessons . . .

I swim daily and notice that I have a new saying, similar to the aikido one, that goes “There are many lessons in the pool.” Every day I seem to have another internal learning adventure.

An example of this is the lane partner dilemma. Some swimmers are easy and quiet as they cut through the water; others splash. Some swim straight and stay in their own part of the lane, leaving plenty of room. Others flail and lunge, seemingly unaware that there is anyone else around. Just like in aikido, with some partners cooperation is easy. As if we were dancing, we know the timing and the moves and we flow easily with each other. With others it’s messy, and we’re stepping on each other’s toes all the time. Ever feel this way? At the pool, as in aikido, I find I can make the situation messier or easier depending on my attitude and actions.

Lesson #1: I am given many dance partners in life. Whether the dance is easy or difficult is influenced at least in part by me.

Please Pick Another Lane.

Which brings me to Lesson #2. One of the “difficult partners” seems to like to swim with me. I can’t figure it out. Even when there’s an empty lane, he gets in mine. He swims more slowly than I do, so I have to wait for him or double back so as not to “pass” him, which we’re not allowed to do at our pool. He splashes and his swimming is erratic, his arms swinging way out to the side and occasionally accidentally hitting me. When I see him coming I think, Oh no, please pick another lane. But he doesn’t.

One morning I came to the pool late and this gentleman was already swimming. There was an open lane next to his, and I sat on the edge and was doing my warm-ups when he came up for air. He looked over and motioned to me that he was getting out and I could have his lane. I thanked him but stayed where I was. I had a lane. He explained that he really liked his lane because there were no jets gushing water into the pool. The jets are very strong and bother him. The lane he was in – the lane I usually swim in – doesn’t have them. Aha! I say to myself. He doesn’t get into my lane just to annoy me. He dislikes the other lanes. And now he’s trying to give me the “good” lane. What a nice person!

Lesson #2: It’s not always about me.

The Benefit of the Doubt.

A third lesson from the pool is that people surprise me if I let them. Recently I got into the hot tub (“many lessons in the hot tub”) to relax after my swim. There was a man in there swishing his legs back and forth really hard, churning the water into waves. I closed my eyes and leaned against the edge of the tub and tried to mellow out. Impossible. I opened my eyes and looked at him, hoping he would see that he was disturbing me. Oblivious. I closed my eyes again. Getting worse. I was practically drowning in the churning hot water. I opened my eyes and looked again. Oblivious. I sighed out loud. Nope.

Okay, time to either get out of the tub or say something. I remembered that curiosity usually works better than accusation, and I asked, “Is that an exercise you’re doing?” He noticed me and smiled – a really nice smile – and said that yes, it was an exercise recommended by his doctor. He used to jog, loved jogging, but his knees could no longer support that activity. In fact, his knees could barely support walking, and swimming was one of the few things that helped; the swooshing motion strengthened the ligaments. He went on to talk about jogging, swimming, disappointment and his efforts to reinvigorate his knees and stay in shape. What a nice man, I thought.

Lesson #3: People usually have a positive intention. Give them the benefit of the doubt.

The benefit of the doubt: what does it mean? What doubt? Well, as I swim up and back and up and back I think it must mean giving other people the benefit that derives from doubting my preconceived notions about their motives. Is he really getting in my lane just to annoy me? Probably not. Is he churning up the water to keep others out? I think I’ll doubt that assumption and see what happens.

Usually what happens is that I discover a genuinely nice person behind the fog of my assumptions and have a really fun swim.

© 2004 Judy Ringer, Power & Presence Training

About the Author: Judy Ringer is the author of Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict, containing stories and practices on conflict, communication and living a more purposeful life. Judy is a black belt in aikido and nationally known presenter, specializing in unique workshops on creating a more positive work environment. She is the founder of Power & Presence Training, and chief instructor of Portsmouth Aikido, Portsmouth, NH, USA. To sign up for more free tips and articles like these, visit www.JudyRinger.com

Once considered the exclusive territory of adulterous men, computer nerds and psychos using false identities, internet dating has now lost it’s stigma. In Europe and the USA, It’s now the most popular method of finding a partner, with 65% of singletons between the ages of 25 and 50 turning to the net.

Gone are the sleazy chat-rooms, pseudonyms and fake photos, now online daters upload entire photo albums, write lengthy descriptions of themselves and detail their exact preferences - and are happy to admit that this is how they found their partners.

But this new found confidence in the medium has generated a plethora of new dating sites; so how do you decide which is the right one for you and how do you get the best out of your chosen site? Follow these few simple steps and I guarantee that you wont go wrong:-

1. Be honest with yourself about what you’re looking for. Do you just want to chat with other cyber folk or do you genuinely want to meet a new partner? If you just want a whole bunch of new pen-pals, there are many sites that aren’t particularly bothered about location so if, for example, you’re in Manchester, England, you can make new friends in Idaho or Madrid. But if you actually plan to meet anyone you make contact with, then choose a service that’s specific to either the country in which you live, or better still, the city or area like CupidNights - a London dating site.

2. Are you seeking a very specific type of partner? There are a great many niche sites out there so if you want to meet, say, other single parents or other motorbike enthusiasts, just type in ’single parent dating’ or ‘biker dating’ into your preferred search engine and you’ll probably find that you’ll be presented with a choice of suitable dating services.

3. Are you willing to pay to join a dating site? Cyberspace is no different to the ‘real’ world in this respect - you get what you pay for! If the operators of a particular site aren’t confident enough in their offering to actually charge a membership fee, you have to ask yourself why. The average monthly subscription to a high calibre dating site is usually no more expensive than a round of drinks so surely it’s worth it if it means you might actually meet your perfect partner by signing up.

4. OK, you’ve found the dating service that you believe is just right for you. What now? Well, to get the best results from your chosen site, it’s up to you to get the most out of your membership by posting a bright, upbeat, confident profile and uploading a photo to accompany it. 95% of dating site users will only respond to people who have bothered to provide a photo of themselves; after all, you want to see what other members look like so it stands to reason that others will feel exactly the same way about you. And don’t be modest - if you think you’re pretty darn attractive, then now is exactly the right time to shout it from the roof tops!

And finally…and this is the most obvious piece of advice as well as being the most important…once you’ve signed up to an online dating site, don’t wait for others to get in contact, search through the list of members who fall within your chosen criteria and when you like the look and sound of someone, send them a message and introduce yourself. Chances are, if you’ve identified someone with whom you might have things in common and to whom you are attracted, then you can bet your bottom dollar that they’ll more than likely be delighted to hear from you.

So there you have it; if you’re single and sick of being so, find the right online dating site and kick start your love life today. Have fun and happy hunting!

Jon White is the founder of www.CupidNights.com - a London only dating site and the most successful geo-targeted site in Europe.

Oh, no, it’s Valentine’s Day again. Every man out there is wondering how in the world they will be able to express their feelings and tell their loved one just how much they really do love her. It’s not easy and when you just do not know what to buy or say, it can be very frustrating. To help all of the guys out there to have a memorable and fun way of spending the day, here are some tips to help you.

First, start off by knowing what she likes. If you don’t know this, take the time to find out through watching her. What are her favorite colors, scents books, anything that would help you. If you can’t figure it out, give her friend a call and ask. Make sure that you know what it is that she enjoys; her clothing size and anything else that will help you to find the perfect give.

Suggestions:

* Make a meal. Send her to the store or anywhere to give yourself enough time to prepare a good meal for her. Make sure to dress up the table with candles and a beautiful table cloth. Put flowers into a vase and then clean yourself up too.

* Do you like the outdoors? If you both do, take a trip out to a nicely secluded area and watch the sunset. Make sure you preplan the evening including the location, bring some wine, maybe a basket with dinner in it and a blanket for cuddling.

* Go ice-skating. Enjoy a cup of hot cocoa afterwards.

* Build a snow couple in the middle of your front yard. Place a cute sign next to it that reads that you love her on it.

Gifts:

* Gift the gift of relaxation. Does she get her nails done or enjoy a spa? Give a gift certificate to her favorite location.

* For the loved one who loves to cook, give her a personalized apron and plan a special meal together.

* Luxury will get your far. Give her a luxurious bath robe, massage oils, and bath and body products for her to enjoy. You’ll find them right online to purchase too.

* If she loves to dance but you have two left feet, visit a dance lesson several times and learn how. Surprise her with an evening out dancing.

* Purchase something that she would love to go with one of her collections, make sure she doesn’t have it but would love it.

* Have her car detail cleaned, adding in a pair of driving gloves and perhaps some flowers to go with it.

* Time together. Probably the most amazing way for you two to make Valentine’s Day special is through a special day together. Visit a museum, see a live show or find another way to spend time together. A nice meal at your favorite restaurant and time together can be the best way to enjoy the day.

Find a way that you two can get back to connecting with each other. This way, you can make it a much more personal day. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be difficult and frustrating.

Nicola Kennedy really enjoys Valentines Day. Visit her site www.Best-Valentines.info for more great Valentines ideas to make Valentines 2006 a special one. Copyright Best-Valentines.info All rights reserved. This article may be reprinted in full so long as the resource box and the live links are included intact.