Jealousy is a fear of losing power. Actually all the people have always been striving for some power. However, finally you have to pay for everything you get in life. In the same fashion fear of losing power is the price you have to pay for your domination. This is why jealousy is familiar to most of the people who somehow or other are seeking domination over others.

Jealousy can be compared to cowardness: it is not an elevated feeling being a proof of love, but rather a permanent diffidence and fear of being unable to maintain domination over the object of love. Some people try to protect themselves from jealousy by choosing an originally intimidated, humble and useless person as a match. They prefer him or her to possess all of the above properties, only to be sure that it would prevent them from the fear of loss. Anyway, even this precaution doesn’t prevent them from experiencing a feeling of jealousy, as this feeling is an unconscious reflection of their own weakness. The more the perception of his or her own inferiority, the stronger is the potential jealousy.

Psychologists have noted that very often men tormenting their wives with jealousy are not faithful themselves. However, their own unfaithfulness is of no importance to them, and they regard love affairs with other women as potential parallel relationships along with their marriage bonds.

A husband or a wife displaying jealousy often raises rows, trying to restrict all possible contacts of a spouse with other people. Such environment makes all family members suffer, therefore, it is in each other’s interests to help to create a climate of good will in the family and get rid of jealousy. Jealousy mostly prevails in those families where neither words nor matters are straightforward. Very often it is a result of such recommendations as “Full openness does only harm to a family. Don’t tell your husband.”

Jealousy beyond measure is abnormal. For a person suffering of this disease any suspicious look would be enough to accuse the spouse of unfaithfulness. He (she) will be looking for any signs of unfaithfulness everywhere: in unwillingness for intimacy, in a gaze at an unknown man (woman), in a persistent wish for intimacy (to conceal unfaithfulness). Such jealousy may turn into madman’s ravings based on no real ground. A jealous spouse makes up various situations, develops them and lives by them. In medical terms it is called a “syndrome of a third person”. It’s useless to influence such a person by means of common sense. In such a case one should seek psychologist’s assistance.

On the other hand, a reasonable jealousy may add variety into the family life. However if it gets excessive, it becomes a sheer nightmare. Abnormal jealousy destroys heart bond between husband and wife and even affects work.

By Alex Hom

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As a relationship counselor, I am constantly being asked why so many relationships fail. In the 37 years that I have worked with couples, I have discovered five major relationship killers:

CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR

Most people enter a relationship with a deep fear of rejection, and this fear motivates various forms of controlling behavior. Controlling behavior falls into two major categories – overt control and covert control.

Overt control includes many forms of attack, such as blaming anger, rage, violence, judgment, criticism and ridicule.

Covert control includes compliance, enabling, withdrawal, defending, explaining, lying and denying. Often a person at the other end of attack will respond with some form of covert control in an attempt to have control over not being attacked.

Controlling behavior always results in resentment and emotional distance, bringing about the very rejection that it is meant to avoid.

RESISTANCE

Many people enter a relationship with a deep fear of being engulfed and controlled – of losing themselves. The moment they experience their partner wanting control over them, they respond with resistance – withdrawal, unconsciousness, numbness, forgetfulness, and procrastination.

When one partner is controlling and the other is resistant – which is really an attempt to have control over not being controlled - the relationship becomes immobilized. Partners in this relationship system feel frustrated, stagnant, and resentful.

NEEDINESS

Many people enter a relationship believing that it is their partner’s job to fill their emptiness, take away their aloneness, and make them feel good about themselves. When people have not learned how to take responsibility for their own feelings and needs, and to define their own self-worth, they may pull on their partner and others to fill them with the love they need.

SUBSTANCE AND PROCESS ADDICTIONS

Most people who feel empty inside turn to substance and process addictions in an attempt to fill their emptiness and take away the pain of their aloneness and loneliness. Alcohol and drug abuse, food, spending, gambling, busyness, Internet sex and pornography, affairs, work, TV, accumulating things, beautifying, and so on, can all be used as ways to fill emptiness and avoid fears of failure, inadequacy, rejection and engulfment. And they are all ways of shutting out your partner.

EYES ON PARTNER’S PLATE

Many people are acutely aware of what their partner is doing that is causing relationship problems, but completely unaware of what they are doing. For example, you might be very aware of your partner’s resistance or withdrawal, but totally unaware of your own judgmental behavior. You might be very aware of your partner’s anger, but completely unaware of your own compliance. You might be very aware of your partner’s addictive behavior, but very unaware of your own enabling. As long as your eyes are on your partner instead of on yourself, you will continue to believe that if only your partner changed, everything would be okay.

RESOLVING RELATIONSHIP KILLERS

All relationship killers come from fear – of inadequacy, of failure, of rejection and of engulfment. As long as you are coming from any of these fears, you will be behaving in one or more of the above ways.

The way out is to develop a loving adult self who knows how to take full responsibility for your own feelings and needs. You will move beyond controlling, needy and addictive behavior only when you learn how to fill your self with love and define your own inner worth. When you are willing to take your eyes off your partner’s plate and turn your eyes fully on yourself, you can begin to do the inner healing work necessary to heal yourself and your relationship.

A good place to start is to download our free Inner Bonding course and begin to practice the Six Steps of Inner Bonding. The daily practice of these steps will move you out of your addictive and controlling behavior and into the personal responsibility necessary to heal your relationship.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

If you are looking for love and marriage abroad, it is very simple to get it right, believe me! There are thousands of honest, sincere women who will be genuinely interested in YOU!

But after you are meeting a nice girl that seems to be right for you make sure the person you are talking to is FOR REAL.

Frankly, looking for a partner abroad is not any different than any other search - search for a house, a second-hand car, or whatsoever, in one simple yet important detail: there will always be people that will try to take advantage of you.

The perception that you have built about dating scams can make you be cautious and suspicious all the time! That is even worse. Chances are you will make the same mistakes as other guys and destroy what was a really good and honest relationship - just because of being paranoid about scammers.

But what if I tell you that there are some specific signs that can make you  solve the enigma of sincerity in your relationship and find out that the person you were corresponding with is not who she said she is?

1. Money is a key object to know a scam. At some point she begins to ask for money, frequently asking that it be transferred through wire services. She commonly states that the money is needed to help resolve a family tragedy or arrange for a trip to the United States. A copy of a fraudulent U.S. visa is sometimes attached to prove good intentions.

Beside this, there are other subtle signs that can make you be suspicious from the first e-mails she is sending you.

2. The most prominent is the fact that scammers don’t really read your letters. They don’t remember what you have written - actually, they don’t relate to the content of your letters at all. They don’t answer your questions.

3. Things move very fast, and she falls in love with you within 1-5 letters. Those letters she send to you could be sent to anybody: “her” letters are pure monologue that becomes more and more obsessed with “her love” to you and her desire to be together with you despite of everything that separates you.

4. She doesn’t want to provide you with her phone number pretending that she doesn’t have a phone or that she didn’t speak English. Paper can bear anything, you know that. But even phone conversation can give you more clues of what’s really going on (though men usually tend to misinterpret subtle signs excusing them by the language barrier).

5. Your name usually appears only once, or does not appear at all in the correspondence she is sending to you. She uses “darling”, “sweetheart”, “my love” and so on instead, because she is probably afraid not to mix the names of her victims or is sending the same messages to all of them only changing the names.

6. She lets you know from the very beginning that she is a student or how little she earns, including the size of her salary even though you never asked about it. But she never asks about the state of your finances - neither uses the word “financially secure” in her description of the prospective partner.

7. She writes you almost every day (keeps sending you photos even if you did not ask for) and in her letters she talks a lot about trust, honesty and sincerity.

So of course you must be aware of the fact that there are some individuals out there who may try to extract from you some amounts in cash, but remember that not all pretty girls you are meeting online are swindlers. Many men who were looking for a foreign wife, and met a wonderful girl without problems, are very surprised to find information about scams - they did not know that such a thing exists!

It is you who takes the choice and the risk.

Enjoy but don’t get fooled.

Just take a look! Many real women are waiting for you right now at www.eBridex.com

Online Dating is not a last resort for social misfits. It is an excellent tool for those who lead busy lives, deal with a lot of shyness issues, or just want to expand their horizons.

First you should decide what you main objective is for dating online. Is it just for friendship or only to have someone to talk to?

Are you looking for a short term relationship to get you through a rough spot or are you searching for a long-tem, lasting bond? Are you only looking for casual dating with many guy/girls?

After determining your objects, the next thing you should do is write a personal ad that makes your profile stand out among many. It should be creative with a different spark and should never sound desperate. Use romantic imagery and humor.

The next thing is uploading your picture. This picture is the most important one so choose wisely. Don’t choose the one that you think makes you look the prettiest/most handsome but the one where you look the happiest. A great smile melts hearts and minds.

In later pictures you post, choose ones that show you enjoying the things you love to do like sailing, camping, reading, dancing, playing an instrument.

OK. Now you are ready to start Online Dating but wait. There’s more you need to know. When you send an email to answer an ad, always include something personal that indicates that you have read the person’s profile and don’t just drool all over the picture.

Always be funny, creative, different, and try to appear approachable. If you are answering multiple ads, for goodness sake, do not use copy/paste. Make each letter original.

When you get a reply the relationship has begun. Proceed wisely and with caution.

Online Dating can work for you. As a matter of fact…

Online Dating is Popular!

The explosion of Internet Dating is amazing. It has gained popularity at unprecedented speed. The reason for its popularity is that it works and it fits into our busy lives. We all work at least 40 hours each week; some of us work many more hours than 40, just to make a living.

Add commute time, preparation time and there just isn’t a lot of time left for social time except for weekends…at least we hope we have weekends off.

Hence, we turn to the Internet like we do for so many things. We use the Internet to shop for “stuff”.

We no longer have the time to visit brick and mortar stores so we go online to find the things we need. We pay our bills online because we just simply do not have the time to write out paper checks, put them in paper envelopes, lick stamps and go to the post office.

That’s just the facts of life of the 21st century.

We use the Internet for everything else… why not for our social needs? It doesn’t make much sense to think that the love of our lives is going to walk through the door of a bar we just happen to be at on any given night. That’s what I call a long shot.

Doesn’t it make a lot more sense and much better use of our time and resources to be able to go through hundreds of profiles and pictures in a single evening than to leave one of the most major of life’s decisions to chance?

It does… it really does.

If you haven’t yet joined an Online Dating site, you should certainly consider doing so and as soon as possible. (ASAP) give your social life a good kick-start and start enjoying dating again.

T J Madigan has been established in online business since 1998 and is director of a number of successful online projects one of which is http://www.onlinedatingsecrets.net.au your best source for FREE Online Dating Information.

The dating scene has been changing pretty quickly. There are now lots and lots of new ways for people to date. There are some things such as speed dating and online dating that could have been only imagined by our ancestors.

I bet if you explain it to some older people, they will seem skeptical on how a person can meet someone without meeting him or her personally. Fortunately for us newer generations, the internet has been a great way to do so.

The internet has given very busy people who get stuck in the office still find a date. The busy employee can sneak in once in awhile to go to dating websites while working. The employee can then click some one else’s profile to leave a message.

The problem is, how can that person you left a notice probably get some interest in you? How can that person see if you both have some little similarities before deciding to go out on a date? This article will help give you an idea what to put into your profile for the other party to compare with her interests.

The first thing that you should right in your profile is what you do. This is a basic, because even if we talk to someone, this is what people usually ask. Try to right what your previous jobs and aspirations are. Remember that you are writing a profile, not a resume.

If you have kids, it is important for the other party to know. This will help the other party know how to adjust about the kids. When describing your kids try to tell their ages and if they still live with you. Kids are usually a great way to build some commonness for both dating single parents online.

If you have been a person who has been transferring a lot try to write it down. There are lots of people who love to travel who will catch your drift. It will also attract attention of people who currently live at places you used to live. If you lived in a foreign country, the better it is. People will be interested about your culture to the point that you’ll feel being interrogated.

If you have just currently transferred mention it. You can score some brownie points here. There will be kind people who will be willing to tour you around. If you are a really sneaky person, you can lie that you transferred recently.

If you are a foreigner, try to mention your foreign genealogy and language. People will try to make something out of it. The Irish person may force you to believe him or her that he or she really has Iranian bloodlines too.

Talk about the things you love to do to and your social life a bit. You can try to be witty and creative here. I.e. if you’re a very masculine guy “I love purchasing pink purses.”

In your profile you should also learn to write what you are looking for properly. This will help you screen out of people who are interested at you but have got no chance by your standards.

Be clear about what you want with your partner. If you think that smoking bothers you, say that you’re not looking for a smoking guy. Be clear however, because some people might think smoking as a very hot or adorable person. When you write that, the adorable ones may not write to you.

The most important thing is that you should mention if you are looking for a steady relationship, just a friend or a fling.

Graham Billingham writes for DrDating.com a site filled with help and advice for online dating relationships and love.