Relationships are difficult to sustain. Very few relationships sustain for long with both partners totally happy. Most people carry through a relationship without any joy.
We all start our new relationships with hopes, dreams, and wonderful aspirations. But oftentimes, we see couples, or in our own relationships, where things turn sour.  What can be done to keep a relationship strong and joyous? Avoid this common mistakes.
1. Not investing enough time in your relationship
2. “Housework” is not just for women. You can learn how to do laundry, vacuum the house and wash the dishes if you haven’t learned in the past.
3. Your partner is NOT your Mom and is not responsible to help you remember what it takes to keep harmony and peace in your relationship.
4. Thinking everything is about you and for you. Basically being selfish in a relationship.
5. Storming out of an argument without an agreement to at least come back later for resolution
6. Not listening too and supporting your partner’s ideas even if you don’t believe in them
7. Constantly talking smack about her family members. You knew who they were before you became involved with her and whether you like it or not, they are there to stay. Please remember that blood is thicker than water. That doesn’t mean you can’t voice an opinion occasionally, it just means don’t constantly rail on her family even if you are right. You’ll plant a seed in her that may grow into a thorn bush.
8. Not taking your time in bed with her to allow her to grab a piece of heaven. Men want quick affection, sex, and security with a woman. And then we want the space and relaxed distance. Women want space and relaxed distance. THEN they want affection, sex, and a build-up of trust and security.
9. Not learning to be emotionally available. Women aren’t asking you to stop being a man, just talk about who you are, where you came from, past history and future dreams.) If this is hard for you, seek help or join a group.
Counseling can be difficult for men. It is traditionally based on talking and sharing. These are more conducive for women. But there are male counselors out there and you don’t have to go to just anyone. You have the power of choice. Going to counseling is not a sign of weakness. Not going is more a sign of weakness, because you are avoiding the real problems and stand to lose your love relationship.
Also there are another mistakes  that a men should avoid:
* Never tell any woman that she has put on weight, even if you think it only makes her sexier, keep silent. Most women are fiercely fighting against extra pounds - they are dieting, taking pills, and work out until they faint.
* Don’t nag at her for spending the whole day and a fortune in a beauty parlor. For girls a new hairstyle or fresh manicure symbolizes a new life.
* Never criticize her cooking skills, even in the most delicate way (”My mom usually adds eggs in the pancake batter”). Your mom has nothing to do with your relationship.
* Never praise another woman’s looks if your girlfriend is around. Beware that the mere fact that divas of this caliber exist on the same planet makes the life of every woman miserable. Your girlfriend is concerned about her body, no matter how perfect she seems to you.
* Don’t take your girlfriend to a soccer (hockey, golf, etc.) tournament. She will either sit there bored and ruin your fun, or will get to like the sport and in no time she will know more about soccer (hockey, golf, etc.) than you do, which will piss you off eventually. This way she will deprive you of one of our main guys’ pleasures.
* In most of relationships both partners try to avoid conflicts .Conflict includes such examples as arguments, differences, and variances. The Truth is, we are all different. That’s what makes each one of us special. But, sometimes we try to avoid our partner. This is much like number one on the list but is more keenly felt by the partner. Worst is that we blame others (or other things) and deny our own self-responsibility. When we avoid responsibility, we typically express it as blaming others, usually our partner, and try to make them change and conform. This is a form of manipulation and an avoidance of Self. Many of us  refuse to get help.
If you had the methods and the tools to keep your relationship alive, loving and healthy you don’t need any advices but if not you should avoid this mistakes.
Now, go find a great woman for you at www.eBridex.com and remember to stay away from these mistakes.

There is one choice you can make that will heal many of your relationship problems. This is the choice of kindness – to both yourself and to others.

This may sound simple, yet for many people, there is one choice far more important to them than kindness. This is the choice to attempt to control – others’ feeling and behavior, outcomes, and their own painful feelings.

Kindness to yourself and to others comes from a desire to support your own highest good and the highest good of others. When your highest priority is to support the highest good of all, you are naturally kind. You don’t even have to think about it. It flows easily when your deepest desire is to be a loving, caring person.

But when your deepest desire is to protect yourself from getting hurt, then your automatic choice, particularly in conflict, is likely to attempt to control – with anger, withdrawal, blame, judgment, compliance, or resistance.

Jack claimed to love his wife Jenny. Yet as soon as Jenny didn’t do what he wanted or expected, he would immediately become angry, blaming and judgmental. Jenny, frightened of his anger and of losing his love, would immediately defend and then comply with Jack’s wishes, hoping to have control over his feelings and behavior toward her.

Jenny was afraid to do what she wanted to do. She constantly monitored her behavior, telling herself, “Jack will get mad if I do that.”

With all this anger, defensiveness and compliance, the fun, joy and passion that had been so wonderful at the beginning of their relationship was often non-existent.

Jack and Jenny sought my help because their marriage was in trouble and they wanted to save it. They both loved their two small children and didn’t want to break up the family.

As Jack and Jenny worked through the control issues that each had learned in their families, they started to have fewer conflict. Yet when a conflict did arise, each would automatically revert to their old behavior.

“I am going to give both of you an assignment,” I told them in our phone session. “It is a simple assignment, although not at all easy. This week, I want both of you to focus on being kind to yourselves and to each other. You will not be able to be kind to the other if you are not being kind to yourself. Jack, if you do not take loving care of yourself, you will end up feeling angry with Jenny. Jenny, if you are not taking loving care of yourself, you will end up trying to control Jack with your defensiveness and compliance. I know both of you try very hard to be kind to your children. I want both of you to practice treating yourselves and each other with the same kindness with which you treat your children.”

Both Jack and Jenny agreed to practice this assignment.

The next week, in their phone session, both of them claimed that the first four days of last week had been the best days in years.

“But then we slipped back into our old patterns,” said Jack. I forgot about kindness. Why is it so hard to remember?”

“Jack, both you and Jenny have been practicing your controlling behaviors for your whole lives. These patterns are not easy to change. Your automatic unconscious response to fear is to control in some way. It takes a lot of practice for these patterns to change. You need to practice and practice making a conscious choice to be kind rather than slipping into the unconscious choice to control.”

Today, Jack and Jenny’s relationship is much improved. While they still occasionally revert to their controlling behavior, they are able to be kind much more of the time. As a result they are having more fun with each other, and their sexual relationship has greatly improved.

By: Margaret Paul, Ph. D.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

As the holidays approach I get many inquiries from singles who don’t want to be lonely while their family and friends are cozily spending quality time together. These singles don’t want to be alone during the holidays, they want to have fun with someone!

So I got creative. If you’re single and want to have fun with someone over the holidays (or any other time) here are five ways you can get a date within 24 hours.

One qualifier… in Conscious Dating a “fun” date is recreational dating, the purpose of which is to have fun, not find a long term partner, therefore anyone fun qualifies. Therefore, you don’t need to carefully choose someone who is highly aligned with your requirements and highly attractive to you. The hard part of recreational dating is keeping it fun and not getting involved. Believe it or not, it’s easiest to do this with someone that clearly is not a good match for you!

With that qualifier in mind here are some ideas-

1. Date your Ex

Got your attention? It’s not as crazy as you might think! If you have a cordial relationship with an ex, why not? You know each other well and know how to have fun together.

2. Date out of your league

We get so focused on finding “the one,” wouldn’t it be fun to take a break and date someone significantly older or younger, of a different race or gender, etc, than usual? Recreational dating is easiest when it’s with people we clearly wouldn’t choose for long term, so how about dating someone dramatically different from your usual pattern?

3. Post a contest on Craig’s List

“Win a date with me!” contest. Entrants submit a description of what they propose to do on their date with you, and you choose the one that seems the most fun. DO NOT use this strategy for anything other than recreational dating! (see above).

4. Date a “loser”

Search personal ads for the most pathetic lost soul you can find who would be happy to go out for a little fun and let loose, knowing it’s a one-time thing. Someone who you wouldn’t ordinarily consider dating in a million years. Who knows? You might have fun and learn something about yourself and the human race.

5. Date a family member or friend

Wouldn’t it be nice to have fun with one of your kids, your brother or sister, mother or father, or a friend? Take this opportunity to get to have fun with them and get to know them better by breaking your usual pattern with them and go out to a dinner and play, etc.

No need to be alone during the holidays or at any other time if you’re not picky. If you’re lonely, use these strategies to have fun!

Want More Than “Fun?”

If these strategies don’t appeal to you and you want more than fun, you want a relationship, then take care of yourself by not settling for less and continue your quest for your life partner. In the meantime, I recommend spending quality time with your family and friends, and perhaps widening your social circle by making new friends. Not only will this help you get your social and emotional needs met while you’re single, but here’s a secret… most people meet their soul mate through someone they already know!

Happy Holidays and my best wishes in your journey to live the life you love with the love of your life.

By: David Steele

David Steele, MA, LMFT is founder of Relationship Coaching Institute and author of the new ground-breaking book for singles “Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today’s World.” www.consciousdating.com/book.htm Visit www.ConsciousRelationshipResources.com for free live tele-seminars, audio programs and more for singles and couples.

Singles and Holidays don’t always mix. That’s why learning how to survive and thrive during the holiday season is an important thing for singles to learn. Since holidays are marketed for families, singles that are alone are often made to feel like outsiders crashing a party. Talk about the holiday blues!
As Christian single women and men dreading yet another holiday season alone, you’re probably struggling or thinking about:
- Where you’re going to spend the holidays to avoid loneliness
- How unfair it is that another Christmas is coming, and you’re still single
- What you’re going to tell or do to those relatives who ask you again why you’re not yet married.
We all know that Christmas can be tricky when it comes to dating. On the surface; it seems the ideal time to find that special someone, what with office parties, social get-togethers and strategically hung mistletoe (keep it clean lads). Yet Christmas is also a season tarnished by novelty knitted jumpers, Santa socks, loud ties, sparkly bauble earrings and flashing badges (and by flashing we mean lights!) On with the snow, the winter weather is renowned for drying out the skin, so make sure you don’t snow on your dream date this Christmas!
Festive cheer… Smile! Remember to keep up your spirits as winter approaches.
New Year’s Eve ranks up there as being one of the top three loneliest nights of the year if you are alone, and not by choice. But don’t worry — while it may be a well kept secret — the truth is, most singles are either home alone or staying in with family.  That said, if you are home alone, don’t despair, these tips are for you:
- Get your favorite pizza ordered in and commit to a night of DVD movies.
- Phone date. Call your friends from different parts of the country.
- Invite other singles over for a take-in dinner. The truth is you’ll probably have more fun with these friends than you would at a big shebang with people you don’t know well at all.
But if none of this will make you feel better you have another opportunity:
- Get online! With the growing popularity of online dating, meeting a member of the opposite sex has never been easier. The days when men and women grappled with the problem of finding a date for Saturday night are long gone. Now all you have to do is to spend a few hours online, maybe even less, and you can find a date instantly.
The biggest advantage of online dating is wide choice. How do you normally find a suitable person to date - through friends or family? Somebody known to someone you know. Otherwise, you have to look to date unknown people offline, for example in a club. But that is risky, because you know nothing about each other and the very first encounter is direct.
With online dating, you get a very wide choice. Leaving aside few cheats, you can identify some suitable persons who can be dated by you provided they are ready. You get to know about their profession, likes and dislikes and preferences for a dating partner. That gives you a lot of information about them. With further correspondence, you can find out more. And if you are careful and alert, you should be able to identify liars amongst them. But even after that, you get a much bigger choice. Now you are not dependent only on friends and family, but you can target a lot many totally unknown people who can be dated by you.
According to a yahoo, Personals Survey, 40 percent of single women are asking Santa to bring them someone to marry in the next year, while 38 percent of single men are just hoping to get a hot date for New Year’s Eve. More than 1,000 single people from across the country offered insights into their wish lists for holiday party dates, meeting the parents, celebrity mistletoe encounters and more.
Willing to go solo?
While 86 percent of singles are willing to go to a holiday party alone, nearly half (43 percent) admitted that it’s sad to be single during the holidays.
Singles in the Midwest are the most likely to stay home if they don’t have a date to a holiday party.
Are you feeling down about being single this holiday season and wishing you could just go into suspended animation till January 1st… or make that February 15th? You are not alone, because there are a lot of men online that are waiting to know you better. You will have an absolutely great time and you may find the special one.
Following this advice will help you to enjoy the end of year and move ahead with a positive outlook… and quite possibly ready for an amazing new romance in 2007.
To find understanding, friendship, love, join us www.eBridex.com

“I can sleep with her, marry her, take care of her, but love – that’s something else,” said Tony, a married man in his late forties. “Guys don’t like to talk about love. They don’t know what to say. Of course guys do love. But they express it differently.”

Despite this fact, most women do not feel happy unless they hear those golden words, I love you. Men need to hear them as well. And yet, as much as men want love, many fight it to the last minute. Love can make men feel vulnerable, childlike, and unable to do what’s expected of them.
Yet, naturally, men do love and different types of men express their love differently. A woman needs to be alert to who the man she is with is, and what love means to him. Here are five different ways that men express what they are feeling.

The first way is simply by saying “I Love You.” Actually, saying these words is a huge step for some men. It means a lot more than simply expressing a feeling. For some it feels like a life commitment, for others it is fraught with danger.

“When I say I love you,” said Steve, “I feel like I’m taking my life in my hands and giving it to her. It’s scary. I’ve got to really trust her and know she won’t throw my love away in order to actually say the words to her.” In this case the fear of rejection comes up strongly. Rejection is enormously painful for most men, and saying “I Love You”, can be an invitation to be hurt. Most men must feel very secure in the relationship and in the woman’s feelings for him, before he’ll dare say those words.

For others, saying “I love you,” means, I’m offering a commitment. I’m going to be here to do things for you. For many men, love is expressed through action, so these words are a promise of what is to follow. Simply by saying these words they feel they are agreeing to be there to give to her and support her. If they don’t do it, they’ll feel like a heel.

For others, the words means, I’m not leaving, or I’ll always be faithful. This can be very scary for some men. They feel the words themselves are a promise, and if the promise is broken, they will suffer as well.

However, there is another type of man, who enjoys falling in love and letting the world know it. These men will say “I Love You” easily. There are many different motives behind their words though. Some say it to get a woman to make love with him, others to enter into a romantic fantasy, some to feel as though they are a great lover. By saying these words, some seem to be offering the woman the world, (that they have no intention of giving). Others say it just for the sheer pleasure of seeing how good it makes the woman feel, and how effective he feels as well.

When a woman hears those precious words, she should step back a moment and put them in context. What do they mean to this particular man, and are there other ways she might also realize that he is expressing his love for her?
Another way men express their love is through bringing gifts to the woman. There are many different kinds of gifts a man can give. The obvious ones include those wrapped in packages, candy, flowers, special notes. But there are others that a woman may or may not be aware of. For example, for some men, giving their time to you, is a gift. When they spend more time with you, and less with family and friends, this is their way of saying they love you.

A different way some men express their love is by standing up for you during a difficult time, attending important functions with you, going with you to your family, planning trips, dates or outings, and putting you first in their thoughts. These behaviors are often indicators that the man cares a great deal. .
Believe it or not, some men express their love through being jealous, or possessive. They do not want to share your attention. It is especially upsetting to these men if you speak of or look at other guys.

Although being controlled is not being loved, to many men and women, the two overlap. Many women feel cared for when the man wants is possessive of her. “It’s a sign that he cares a great deal,” said Renee. “Sure, it can be annoying that he’s so controlling, but if he wasn’t, truthfully, I don’t think I’d feel loved or cared about.” For Renee this kind of behavior produces a sense of security. It lets her know she’s on his mind and translates this to mean that he cares.
Although this trait can get out of hand, when it is just part of the overall equation, it often is the way a man expresses his involvement and love. He doesn’t want to lose you. He wants to be the most important person in your life and to be on your mind all the time. If he is, he feels loved as well.

Other men say “I love you” by being affectionate and making love to you. After being intimate they feel as though they’ve loved you, and often feel loved as well. The physical contact breaks down barriers and provides a feeling of closeness that they do not feel otherwise. Some women require hearing words of love spoken when they are being intimate.

This is a complex area, because sex can mean so many different things to different individuals. But for many men love means meeting her needs and having his needs met as well. They feel that if the sex is good, everything else will fall into place. Sex can be a sensitive barometer to what’s going on in all aspects of the relationship.

Another way of saying “I Love You” is taking you home to meet the family, (and/or close, meaningful friends). Not only does it say that he’s proud of you, but he wants to connect you with the people who mean the most to him. This is often a sign that you are becoming a significant part of his life.

Other men compartmentalize relationships, they have someone for dating, someone for sex, someone else for the kind of love that leads to marriage. By being aware of the people in his life that he introduces you to, and includes you with, you can get a good idea of how he operates in this area. Does he want you in all parts of his life, or is this a limited relationship? Love, in the deepest sense, includes sharing all parts of ourselves with another.

It is helpful to keep a little journal of your relationship. So many acts and expressions of love go unnoticed and unfelt, because we simply get used to them, or are too busy to stop and take note – or to stop and say thank you. In the journal of your relationship, take a few minutes to note, what you received that day, and also what you gave. Write it down. Be specific. List everything, like phone calls, kind words, a surprise visit, etc. It will be amazing to you to realize all the ways your partner is giving to you, and it will be wonderful to find new ways to give back to him.

Cc/2006/author

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By: Dr. Brenda Shoshanna

Discover the surprising truths about love in Dr. Shoshanna’s new e-book Save Your Relationship. Filled with advice, guidelines and exercises it will show you how to build a relationship on a strong foundation that cannot fail. Get a copy at www.truthaboutlove.com. Dr Shoshanna is a well known psychologist, author and relationship expert. Contact her at topspeaker@yahoo.com, and learn more about her work at www.brendashoshanna.com