Jealousy is a common problem that couples present when they go to counseling. When one partner chooses jealous behaviors, the dynamics of the relationship change. They are no longer a couple in an Adult Relationship. Now they are caught in a cycle of Investigator and Suspect. The Investigator spends an enormous amount of energy checking up on the Suspect, who may or may not be doing anything reprehensible. The Suspect spends time defending and explaining his/her behaviors. They are locked in a pattern which will destroy their relationship and they usually don’t what to do.

Both partners are miserable playing this game. The game is all about Control. “If I don’t check up on her, she’ll make me look stupid” or “He’ll make a fool of me.” People who choose jealous behaviors may not realize that their behavior looks pretty silly or even crazy. Their partner didn’t “make” them look stupid.

I was actually told by several women that “all men cheat.” If this is your belief, you are probably an Investigator. Problem is: you have to sleep sometime. You can’t chain yourself to your partner. You have decided that you alone are capable of controlling your partner’s behavior. What’s more, you’ve decided it’s your Job as his partner to keep him from cheating on you.

What a way to live your life, spending your time spying on each other! Trust is a decision. It’s not based on how the other person acts. If you choose to stay with a partner who is not trustworthy, you are doing so with your eyes open. If you are choosing jealousy without cause, you are doing so to control your partner.

The very things you do to control your partner are the things that will drive your partner away. Are you ready to try something different?

Keep in mind that jealous behavior is a choice you are making. It starts with your thoughts: I wonder where he is. She’s probably with someone right now. Why didn’t he call me when he said he would? Why is she wearing that dress? Who was that woman who called him?

These thoughts lead to your behaviors, such as calling excessively (read, more than twice during work hours), listening in on phone conversations, checking phone lists and emails, interrogating your partner, and many other destructive behaviors.

You begin to feel awful after imagining all of the things your partner is doing (these are thoughts; you can change them). You can also change your behaviors if you choose to. If jealously is destroying your relationship, there is hope if you are willing to do the work.
First, if you’re with someone who is trustworthy, you can change the thoughts that are plaguing you. Whenever you get those thoughts that start your heart racing, ask yourself the following questions:
What evidence is there that my thought is true?
What evidence is there that my thought is false?
What would someone else say about this thought?
What other explanation could there be?

After you answer these questions, decide what new course of action you will take based on this exercise. Repeat this as often as needed. Hopefully, you will soon find yourself feeling calmer and less ready to play the Investigator and Suspect game.

By: Michelle E. Vasquez, MS, LPC

Michelle E. Vásquez is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice in San Antonio, TX. Visit www.michellevasquez.com for more tips and tools about relationship building and sign up for the free newsletter, Relationship Success, while you’re there. Check out these blogs for more articles about relationships: languageofrelating.blogspot.com and awaresingle.blogspot.com.

Cheating is the worst form of destruction to your relationship or marriage; it is already considered a betrayal of the vows they took when they got married. The discovery of the act of cheating by the other half can either break the marriage or make it stronger depending on the strength of their love for one another.

Cheating generally means that you are not fully satisfied with your current partner or you feel that something is missing in the relationship. If you were completely in love and happy within your relationship, why it might happen that your partner have an affair?

Trust is a big reason, not of your partner, but yourself. Probably for some time you have sensed something is different or questioned the change of behavior in your partner.

Nobody deserves to be cheated on, no matter what state your marriage is in and if you believe your partner is having an affair now is the time to check it out and do a little investigation just to be sure.
Start by looking for the obvious things such as a change in the way your partner dresses, a sudden desire to look good, a change in work patterns, an unusual interest in the gym, secrecy over phone calls or emails, a loss of intimacy in your marriage, lack of sexual interest or distance between you that never used to exist. In the worst case you may spy her.

A cheating wife can cause much emotional trauma, not to mention the harm it could cause a family.

Here are some important clues that might help you to find out if your partner is having an affair.

1.Changes in appearance and attitude. She has a sudden preoccupation with her appearance. She is more interested on how she dresses; go often to a hair salon and even to gym, even if this wasn’t her main priority before.

2.Lessened intimacy. If in the past you used to share everything with your wife and then suddenly she seems distanced and clams up when you try to discuss intimate things, it could mean that she has already distanced herself emotionally and mentally from you. She is suddenly frigid and loses any interest in doing anything with her husband.

3.She’s being secretive. She’s no longer sharing her daily events with you. She might avoid you because she feels guilty. Don’t get paranoid and suspicious, ask her if everything is ok and tell her she’s been acting differently lately.

4.Disinterest in family. If your wife is no longer excited to meet you at the door from work there must be a problem here. Or when your partner feels the sudden need to go out try to find a reason to accompany her. If she comes up with a reason that she had to go on her own push the issue, not too much but just enough to see if she becomes more uncomfortable.

5.Less arguing and fighting. She used to get angry if you didn’t want to come out with her and her friends, but now everything you do is all right by her. Once upon a time, your every move had to be premeditated, but now all the small things you used to mess up aren’t enraging her. This could be a good thing, but you wonder why she no longer cares.

6.More phone and internet. In the last time she speaks a lot at the telephone using a low voice or whisper on the phone and hangs up quickly. Maybe she set up a new e-mail account and doesn’t tell you about it. Watch out because she might buy a cell phone and doesn’t let you know. Ask her if she is being true with you and if she becomes accusatory then it is obvious that she is cheating you.

7.She’s always late. In the past she never came home late but now this happens more and more. Her explanation is that she had to stay more at the office because she has a lot of work to do. Or she goes to the store and comes home four hours later. This is really a reason to worry.

Cheating spouses often look and act guilty, give a general feeling that something isn’t right. They try and avoid meaningful conversations, keep everything at a general and non intimate level.

By the way, if this happens to you too, you might find a beautiful woman at www.eBridex.com

If you kiss a girl that you sort of are attracted to, then your kiss will just be ok. However if you’re kissing a girl that you’re really into, then it will really be very special. An emotional connection is a must for an amazing kiss. When you combine the physical pleasure of a kiss along with the emotional pleasure of the intimate moment, that’s when the magic happens.

Do you want to know how to blow a kiss with a girl? Get nervous. Want to know how to kiss girls the right way? Relax! You need to reach that comfort level where you both are relaxed. If you’re nervous it will show when you kiss her. The tension will show through and will make you stiff. That’s the total opposite of what a great kisser should be. When you are too uptight about the result of the kiss, about whether you’re doing it right or wrong, you will not enjoy the moment. She’ll know your tension and it will bring down the level of intensity. Just relax and go with the flow.

The best kisses seem to go on for an eternity. You have to forget everything going on in your world for a few moments, clear your mind of everything except for your girl’s breath, responses, noises, reactions and her body against yours. It can be quite difficult to focus on her if you’re in a noisy place, being seen by others or just in an uncomfortable position. Let me give you an example, we’ve all known that one of the hottest places to kiss a girl is in a car, right? Well, it’s also one of the most uncomfortable places to kiss. Also, if you’re in an uncomfortable place or too self conscious about your kissing, you’ll fly back down to earth and the moment will be gone. Just clear your mind the next time you kiss her and let nothing else bother you.

The best kissers don’t just have one way of kissing and that’s it. If you want to learn how to kiss a girl the right way, you need to learn how to adapt to her kinds of kisses. Girls are different and you must be free to adapt to each individual’s style. If your kissing style consists of only two kisses, the regular kiss and the French kiss, then it may be time to add to your arsenal. You need to change up the pace of your kisses and the pressure. Don’t always kiss her on the mouth, don’t be afraid to venture on to the neck, even nibble the ear a bit. Get creative, she’ll like that.

The best kisses of all time have rhythm. They start slowly, gently then increase in speed and intensity. They allow a pause for taking a breath and looking at each other’s eyes. When you think about a nice kissing session, think of it as a dance. A dance of the lips. It’s very important to remember that kisses, just like dances, must have a rhythm, a beat. Nothing is worse that kissing someone so intense they don’t give you a chance to breathe, they suffocate you. You don’t want to come across that way, give plenty of room for breathing, take momentary breaks, look at each other, and change up the pace. Be unpredictable. Allow things to warm up, and then cool down. Take the time to reconnect with each other.

If you are totally relaxed, in the moment with someone you really care about then you’re in for some good kissing sessions. You will no longer wonder how to kiss girls because you’re already an expert at it. Just remember to find that natural rhythm and expression and you’ll find that your kisses will be so much more enjoyable and intense.

By: Fabricio Cruz -

Learn how to kiss girls! Fabricio Cruz will show you how kiss girls! There’s a right way and a wrong way to do it. Check out his site for a free preview at www.turbochargeyourdating.com right now!

So you’re looking how to get girls to like you… you want to go from a Nerd to a Ladies Man? Then you’ll have to get ready for some hard work and get ready to learn some things, it’s going to be a steep learning curve. As steep as it is, if you make it through, the rewards are great. How to get girls to like you is an art, an art that could never be painted out in a single issue. With that said, I’m going to give you a general outline of some tips which will make you a better guy practically overnight.

First off you need to maximize your life. Back when I was younger I was handed a major eye opener by an ex girl of mine. Sexual attraction is what we were talking about and she told me “girls like a good body on a guy just as much as guys like it on girls.”

What a shocker, I’m not joking. I had previously taken my appearance for granted. I think it was due to the fact that the media tells us that women were not so much after sex as men are.
Here’s some breaking news guys, women want sex just as bad as we do. If you want to know one of the most important rules of how to get girls to like you, it is to make the most of yourself and what you have. You may not look like Brad Pitt, but that does not stop you from trying to look your best with what you’ve got. I believe if we all made the most of what we had then it would send out the attractive vibe instantaneously without us doing much mental work.

Just take care of the basic things. Go find yourself a hair stylist and get a haircut that suits you. Read up on some of the latest fashion and go out and buy some premium clothing from some nice stores instead of buying all you can handle at the discount stores. Upgrade your watch, try on a nice pair of shoes over your Nikes. And one of the most important changes you can make to yourself is working out. Work out as if your life depended on it. Build yourself a body fit for a champion. Be sure you look great in that t-short. You’ll have girls looking at you and wanting to tear your clothes off.

You must realize that women want a real man… no more metrosexual days. Thank God! Forget plucking your eyebrows, skincare galore, or even worse… apologizing like there’s no tomorrow for everything. This is one of the secrets of how to get girls to like you.

Metro’s get stepped on all day long like welcome mats. Alpha males don’t waste time with petty games, he won’t buckle down when problems come because he’s firm mentally. They are just as strong mentally as they are physically. Martial arts would be a good practice to get there mentally and physically.

Girls don’t want to see their man get walked all over, pushed and shoved out of the way. Girls don’t want to overpower their man, despite what some would say is politically correct. Just stand firm on what you believe if an argument occurs. It may get hot in the heat of the moment, but she’ll respect you later for it. Women will be attracted to the alpha male type, and if you’ve developed it, they’ll notice.

One of the most important skills you can learn on how to get girls to like you is to learn how to read body language. The conversation is dead between two stranger once the attempt at seduction has gone bad. Some will note that is due to the fact that the couple are incompatible, but I don’t believe that’s true. It’s always possible to create some sort of chemistry, even if they are someone you’ve never talked to in your life.
A great way of opening things and making it easier for you is to read body language. If you are able to spot when a woman is interested in you, receptive towards you, then that should give you the green light to keep on pursing. Master body language and you’ll never be alone. It has to be the strongest tool in any man’s war chest.

How to get girls to like you… it’s not as hard as it sounds. But there is so much more I can’t even begin to tell you all about it here. Hopefully you’ll take some of the ideas and thoughts that I’ve shared with you here and start to apply them in your own situation. Become the greatest man you can be physically, stick to the alpha male ways, and learn how to read body language. If you can just get better at any of those areas, you’ll be a much better magnet for girls that you were just a few moments prior. How to get girls… now you know!

By: Fabricio Cruz -

Learn how to get girls! Fabricio Cruz will show you how to get girls, regardless of age, looks or income! Check out his site for a free preview at www.turbochargeyourdating.com

What a lie is

One of the reasons that lying is so ambiguous in its application is because we tend to make its meaning vague. In the simplest manner, lying is not telling the truth. However, does that mean that you can’t stretch the truth a little? Does that mean that you can’t lie a little? Is it really all or nothing? Some people believe that lying is avoiding telling the truth as opposed to actually not telling it. Hence lying by omission has become a hot topic of discussion. If a person doesn’t tell someone something, are they lying or are they just avoiding telling the truth?

Creating your definition

The truth about lying is that everyone has their own way of looking at it. When you’re in a serious relationship, it will help to figure out what you and your partner feel about lying and how you should see it in your everyday conversations. Will you have a no tolerance approach to lying or will you be okay with little lies? Talk to your partner about any lies that you have told them and see what their reaction is. You need to see just where they start to feel comfortable with dishonesty.

The question of honesty

What you may find in your discussion about lying is that one lie can actually lead to another lie and another and another. In these cases, it can seem like there are more lies than truths. And in that case, a relationship that uses little lies over and over again might not be as truthful as it seems. When you’re caught in one lie, you can start to seem as though you can not be trusted to tell the truth. In a relationship, this can be the beginning of the end.

The trust that you have

In your romantic and personal relationships, you need to have a sense of trust in each other. You want to trust that the other person will be there for you and that they will tell you the truth. This is where the argument for lying becomes straightforward – lying begets distrust. A relationship that allows even a little lying can start to crumble once it is revealed. While it might not seem like a big deal, the idea that one would lie about something little can make a partner wonder if they would not feel bad about lying about something bigger.

It’s a snowball effect of questioning and unease that develop in a relationship. Are there going to be times that you lie? Of course, but the idea is that the general rule should be that the practice should be avoided at all costs.

Building your honesty

While it may be uncomfortable, the easiest thing to do when you want to build trust in your relationship is to start by unraveling any lies that you might currently be caught up in. This means that you will start by telling your partner what you may have been holding back and then working on being more truthful in the future.

You will want to try to stop yourself whenever you realize that you’re about to say something that’s not truthful. Try to find other ways to respond to certain situations in order to not lie. For example, if you are asked your opinion, you can always say that you’re rather not say than lie about what you think.

Never lie again?

Be truthful – you will lie again. We’re human and it’s just something that you can become mindless about. But what you can do is learn how to be more truthful in your everyday interactions with others. Try to understand what motivates you to lie – are you trying to impress someone? Trying to hide something?

When you start to understand the ‘why’ behind your lying, you will find that addressing this ‘why’ will be the end of your lying ways. Honestly.

By: Cucan Pemo

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